The first step is to put an end to the verbal abuse you're experiencing. Abuse is used as a tactic to manipulate and have power over you. It's often things said or shared without remorse. No one else can decide what course of action is best for you, but "recognizing feelings and talking about them with a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor is something I highly recommend," Renye advises. Crisis Text Line is another free, confidential resource available 24/7: Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the U.S. and a trained counselor will text with you live about whatever you're going through, referring you to further assistance if needed. We all get into arguments from time to time. The abuser instead may express affection or make declarations of love and caring. lsrstider lund polhem support@lawfirmrankers.com; berkna hllfasthet balkong Facebook fortnox ndra kundfaktura Linkedin. Additionally, you may have been treated this way in past relationships, so its familiar to you and harder to recognize. Your partner shouldn't get in the way of your friendships by constantly criticizing the people you choose to spend time with, asking you to forego social plans, or checking in incessantly when you're with other people. Threatening is a common form of verbal abuse and can be very explicit, such as, If you dont start doing what I say, I will leave you. Or it can be more subtle, such as, If you dont follow my advice, others will find out that you are a very unreliable person., Name-calling can be explicit or subtle. Calling a partner "pathetic," "stupid," or telling them to "fuck off" constitutes verbal abuse, too. This pain is below the surface, unseen and unnoticed. What is verbal trauma? Especially if someone teases him. The abusers comments can be sarcastic, disdainful, and patronizing. Thats because verbal abuse. Unfortunately, the abuser is generally unwilling to accept his feelings and unwilling to reveal them to a partner. Abusers abuse because they have learned that control works to their advantage. Iram Rizvi SF, Najam N. Parental psychological abuse toward children and mental health problems in adolescence. Your faults, your flaws, your mistakes. But it can also be more subtle, such as when someone says things that are implicitly hurtful, for instance, You are such a victim, or You think you are so precious, dont you?. reacting instead of thoughtfully responding to you. It's lashing out in the moment, regardless of the situation or whether or not you have control. Akeem Marsh, MD, is a board-certified child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist who has dedicated his career to working with medically underserved communities. Verbal abuse is a type of emotional abuse. A verbal abuser may regularly tell the victim they're too sensitive, have no sense of humor, etc., which denies the victim's inner reality. Verbal abuse is comments about your worth. Adults dont throw things," says Richmond. Harsh verbal punishment, such as yelling, can also be detrimental later on, increasing the likelihood of misbehavior at school, lying to . in terms of the knee-jerk response you experience at the doctors office. Keep a record of verbal abuse incidents, writing down the type of abuse, when and where it occurred, and the impact of the abuse, such as mental distress. Not always. People who respect and honor themselves wont allow someone to abuse them. Having toface constant criticism is not only hard, its emotionally demoralizing. Verbal abuse usually happens in private where no one else can intervene and eventually becomes a regular form of communication within a relationship. Start refusing to engage in unreasonable arguments. They dont dissolve into name-calling or personal attacks. Why Are So Many Young Men Single And Sexless? Is It Arguing or a Sign of Verbal Abuse? They may even begin to believe that what the abuser says about them is true. Behavior that controls where you go, to whom you talk, or what you think is abusive. Rather than take responsibility or listen to your concerns, they say, "You're being way too sensitive. Pak J Med Sci. Pushing you down further, with no ability to rise. "Fuck you you stupid cunt bitch. Make no mistake about it: Its meant to control you and keep you off-balance. While not all people who are verbally abusive are sociopaths, they can still be hard to identify. Their behavior may be a product of unchecked jealousy, "something that abusers often feel is justified and conveys a sign that they 'really love' their partner," Renye says. I believe in the power of words. Healing involves understanding how youve been abused, forgiving yourself, and rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence. Negative and non-confrontational communication in a relationship can lead to poorer mental and physical health for both you and your partner. It also may be accompanied by physical, sexual, or financial abuse, but whether or not it occurs on its own, it's devastating. nx advanced simulation book pdf; packers vs bears rivalry Block you in a room so you can't leave and thereby avoid what they're saying. For instance, you may begin to realize that your partner has anger issues and try to talk to them about it. Instead, talk about yourself and what you are feeling, and remain respectful towards him while doing so. Staying Single: What Most People Do If They Divorce After 50, A Psychological Diagnosis for People Who Lie About Everything. Kindle Edition. Recognizing Types of Child Abuse and How to Respond, 12 Signs Youve Experienced Narcissistic Abuse (Plus How to Get Help). Discuss with them what is happening and how you're feeling. For instance, tell themthat if they scream or swear at you, the conversation will be over and you will leave the room. Threatening is a common form of verbal abuse and can either be very explicit or subtle. Emotional abuse may start out innocuously, but grow as the abuser becomes more assured that you wont leave the relationship. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our. A struggle against the voices in your head that have learned how to break you down because of the person who abused you. Limiting exposure with the person can give you space to reevaluate your relationship. So, with that in mind and in honor of October's Domestic Violence Awareness Month, here are the. On the way you carry yourself. Categories . Cant you do anything right?, Before I came along you were nothing. 1 Continue reading to learn more, including how to recognize it and what you can do next. Abusers want you to feel bad about yourself. The power to damage someone's self-worth and deform reality and the power to lift, inspire and affirm truth. They also can learn to stand up to verbal bullying. Theres nothing wrong with constructive criticism. Wikipedia says Its use is generally considered rude & impolite, and may also be considered profanity by some. Well butter my buttocks & call me a biscuit. Here's how to find yourself again, get support. Sci., Ph.D. writes in Psychology Today, 15 Signs of Verbal Abuse, a sign of verbal abuse called abusive anger. This is when your partner screams and yells at you, or tells you to shut-up. Being told to shut up is not just rude behavior. But acting as your spokesperson in a conversation when you are right there isn't chivalrous, it's a serious red flag. "The abusive partner can appear to be very calm, cool, and collected when others are around, but then turn into a Mr. Hyde behind closed doors," Renye says. No matter the circumstance, you are somehow the one in the wrong. Contrary to popular belief, name-calling and other forms of verbal mistreatment can be as detrimental as physical and sexual abuse. It can make you apologize for things that arent your fault. Judging and criticizing are similar to accusing and blaming but also involve a negative evaluation of the partner. 2014;30(2):256-60. The abuser may respond with, Or what? You can say, I will not continue this conversation.. But it can also occur in other family relationships, socially, or on the job. Confronting an abuser often takes the support and validation of a group, therapist, or counselor. Who else would want you?, If you do that, it proves you dont care about your family and everyone will know it., Youd do this for me if you really loved me., I hate getting into fights, but you make me so mad!, I have to yell, because youre so unreasonable and thickheaded!, I saw the way you looked at them. He builds a wall between himself and his partner and maintains that distance. The goal of the abuser is to control you by making you feel bad about who you are. It's hot when your partner stands up for you. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. These are not the signs of a healthy relationship, and no-one deserves to be verbally abused. Karakurt G, Silver KE. This article covers what verbal abuse is, the signs and impact of verbal abuse, as well as how to seek help if you are coping with the effects of verbal abuse. If they follow you, close the door. Give you . But abusers will reignite that old argument again and again just to push your buttons, never intending to meet in the middle. Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. They may act like they have no idea why you are upset. Arguments that shake the house and fill your heart with defeat. Remember, youre not responsible for someone elses behavior. We need friends and our own social networks, too, and in fact, tending to our social lives outside of our romantic relationships can help make those relationships stronger. Verbal abuse can be particularly confusing because the partner may not be abusive all of the time and their behavior likely emerged slowly over time. Respecting boundaries. This may be for a number of reasons; an important one is that, as a couple, the abuser and their partner may function adequately in their respective roles. 10. Things may be said in a loving, quiet voice, or be indirecteven concealed as a joke. Usually, they are martyrs, caretakers, or pleasers. You just don't know what adult relationships are really like." This can often be used as a way to intimidate or bully people in a variety of settings, including in relationships and the workplace. If your child tells you to shut up, the best thing to do is not give it power. Without a word, they storm out and sit in the car, leaving you to explain and say goodbye to your hosts. When someone is being verbally abused, the person attacking them may use overt forms of abuse like engaging in name-calling and making threats, but also more insidious methods like gaslighting or constantly correcting, interrupting, putting down, and demeaning them. But verbal abuse isnt normal. You deserve a partner who lifts up your voice, not squashes it. Don't Ever Let Him Tell You To 'Shut Up' Because That's Where It Starts. Manipulation is an attempt to make you do something without making it a direct order. Sometimes we lose our cool and yell. Verbal abuse is silent. the victim is either twisted up in verbal games or alone to wonder if what they felt . If the abuse stops, a relationship may improve, but for real, positive change, both of you must be willing to risk change. Arguing is not, in itself, a sign of verbal abuse. If you focus on the content, youll fall into the trap of trying to respond rationally, denying accusations, and explaining yourself, and will lose your power. If you were able to identify any type of verbal abuse in your relationship, it's important to acknowledge that first and foremost. All rights reserved. Surrounding yourself with a network of friends and family will help you feel less lonely and isolated and remind you of what a healthy relationship should look like. Its usually their way or the highway.. Then they accuse you of being overly sensitive or say that it was a joke and you have no sense of humor. He or she may feel a twinge of sadness because they cannot share this interest. They know you need to communicate about whos picking up the kids, but they refuse to answer your calls or texts. Whether you use one of these services or lean on family or friends, remember: You are not alone, and help is available to you. Are Zoomies a Sign of a Happy Dog or a Crazy Dog? Most victims of verbal abuse are making at least one of these common mistakes. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Outright threats can mean that verbal abuse will escalate. Verbal abuse is everyday words, spun with a twist that wears you down. When your partner is verbally abusing you, he might aggressively criticize or insult you. What verbal abuse does to the brain? In some cases. On the living, breathing human you are, so much so, that you forget how to function. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. "What are you going to do to me, hunny?". Sometimes its not about name-calling, but about the common words that take on a new meaning when theyre spit at you. When this happens, your partner is not being respectful to you. Document incidents of abuse and inform the human resources department. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Mass Shootings Are a Symptom, Not the Root Problem. Its a way of saying that your feelings dont matter or are wrong. Being told to shut up is not just rude behavior. They feel guilty and blame themselves. No one wants to be blown off or ghosted. Whether disguised as play or jokes, sarcasm or teasing that is hurtful is abusive. implies more intention and thought. If you need help purchasing a product directly from Allure, go to our FAQ. A number of studies have shown that children who are verbally abused, either at home or by their peers at school, are at a greater risk for depression and anxiety as adults. They may tell you its all in your mind, you dreamed it, or are making it up. Other factors such as financial abuse, in which an abuser dictates their partner's access to economic resources, can make it even harder for survivors to escape. After the abusive partner has begged their way back to you, they may hide their manipulative and toxic tendencies for a while, but another outburst is likely to occur. Thats why nobody likes you., You screwed up again. Those feelings are caused by verbal mind-games like brainwashing and gaslighting. Repeating back what is said to you also has an impact, followed by a calm boundary. Dr. Brogaard notes that there are better ways of handling people than yelling at them or telling them to shut-up. Spying, stalking, and invading your person, space, or belongings is also abusive, because it disregards personal boundaries. If you travel in the same social circles, you might have to make some difficult decisions. To maintain control, some abusers "take hostages," meaning that they may try to isolate you from your friends and family. Conversely, if you're more comfortable dressed down or conservatively, you shouldn't be pressured into dressing "sexy" for your partner or to impress their friends. Children display many of the same signs of physical abuse when they are verbally abused. Hitting, choking, pushing, and all other acts of violence constitute abuse. is telling someone to shut up verbal abusecaia highlighter recension. An abuser will always try to find a way to justify and rationalize his behavior. "There are hotlines open 24 hours a day where people are ready to answer the phone and talk to you. February 14, 2018. Part of that is having sex only when you want to, not because your partner is pressuring you into it. Use your fears and beliefs to control you or the situation. The most recognizable is physical abuse, but abuse can manifest itself in actions, and even more discreetly, but terribly painful: words, or verbal abuse. However, punching walls or slamming a door in someone's face can be, too. There are three million cases of domestic violence reported each year. They try to make you feel guilty and position themselves as the victim. 5 Spiritual Practices That Increase Well-Being. Its balled fists that never hit, but threaten to. A healthy relationship ought to be based on respect and love, not who has control over whom. If possible, take time away from the verbally abusive person and spend time with people who love and support you. And here's why: Practice What You Preach. Some are obvious, while others are more subtle: Withholding is primarily manifested as a withholding of information and a failure to share thoughts and feelings. If youre in school, talk to a teacher or guidance counselor. Each Zodiac Sign's Unique Personality Traits, Yes, There Is a Correct Order for Everything You Do in the Shower, Your March 2023 Monthly Horoscope Predictions Are Here, 13 Best Waterproof Vibrators That You Can Bring Into Your Shower, 15 Best Bullet Vibrators That Are Tiny Yet Mighty, Your Taurus February 2023 Horoscope Predictions Are Here. U.S. The trouble is, when youre involved in a verbally abusive relationship, it can wear you down and seem normal to you. Most likely he or shewinds up reacting instead of thoughtfully responding to you. Verbal abuse (also spelled verbal aggression, verbal attack, verbal violence, verbal assault, psychic aggression, or psychic violence) is a type of psychological/mental abuse that involves the use of oral, gestured, and written language directed at a victim. Instead of building her up, he diminished her," Renye says. Walk away from the situation if they continue the abuse. What is employment discrimination?. The ability to feel, like the ability to think, is universal to humanity. It can be hard to recognize these signs and break this toxic cycle, but you deserve better. According to D., there are 15 signs of verbal abuse that are calledabusive anger. Here are 11 abusive behaviors abusers might pretend are romantic but are in reality toxic and manipulative. It could have been a strict or alcoholic father, an invasive mother, or a teasing sibling. Although the effects of verbal abuse can be significant, there is still hope. Being subjected to emotional abuse over time can lead to anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, inhibited sexual desire, chronic pain, or other physical symptoms. Your Scorpio March 2023 Horoscope Predictions Are Here. We don't want to be told that our child was the one who said "shut up" during a classmate's birthday party or at a play date. The verbal abuser will say he was "joking" when he insults you, but in reality, he has zero sense of humour. If youve allowed abuse to continue, theres a good chance that you were abused by someone in your past, although you may not recognize it as such. Victims of verbal abuse often question whether or not what they are experiencing is truly abusive. Later Effects of Verbal Abuse You might remember some of the qualities of bullying behavior from school. Not always; he or she may simply find greater pleasure in feeling that they have power over their partner. The initial disagreement sets off a string of accusations and dredging up of unrelated issues to put you on the defense. 2020;15(1):66-74. doi:10.1016/j.jtumed.2019.12.007. Without me youll be nothing again., I mean, look at yourself. Read our. Violence Vict. Its not kind, but is it ever necessary? One of you may yell or say something truly awful out of frustration, but its an unusual occurrence and you work through it together. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. It can also make you more dependent on the abuser. Explicit name-calling can consist of calling the victim of the abuse a bitch or other hurtful words. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. Both men and women abuse others, and unfortunately, many dont even know it. Some common examples include: Things Verbal Abusers Do: Deny they said anything similar to the list above. Menu harry potter mysteries explained. Sherri Gordon is a published author and a bullying prevention expert. When you argue, does it seem as if your partner is attacking you verbally, calling you names, or frequently telling you to be quiet? Then, tell themwhat will happen if they continue this abusive behavior. A range of words and behaviors used to manipulate, intimidate, and maintain power and control over someone is called emotional abuse. When this happens, the person is attempting to control and punish the victim by refusing to talk to them. Does this mean that the abuser can't (or doesn't) enjoy this pleasure? Withholding love, communication, support, or money are indirect methods of control and maintaining power. Its words spoken through another, a confrontation that takes place outside of face-to-face. ", Even in monogamous relationships, our partners aren't supposed to be our everything. . Seek the help of a qualified mental healthcare professional, and confide in trusted family and friends. You listen and try to understand the others position, even when youre angry. 4. 5 Serious Long-Term Effects of Yelling At Your Kids, How to Recognize and Treat the Symptoms of a Nervous Breakdown, Argue a Lot with Your Partner? Bullying behavior isnt something that you ought to tolerate in any situation, let alone in, Dr. Berit Brogaard, D.M. Verbal abuse is a means of controlling and maintaining power over another person. These actions will force them to stop eventually. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Relationship expert Lori Bizzoco says, "'Shut up' tends to spill out in the middle of a fight or when a partner is upset or annoyed." Yet telling someone to "shut up" is extremely combative. Healthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical associations. Its mumblings under someones breath. It is not uncommon for a person who is verbally abused to feel inadequate, stupid, and worthless. Blame you for their actions if they are cheating. We explain the symptoms and how to treat these conditions. Fashion and beauty are forms of self-expression. Abusers often name-call and swear at their partners as part of the "explosion" phase in the cycle of abuse; after the outburst, they may try to win you over again with exaggerated gestures and pleas for your forgiveness. You cant tell me theres nothing going on there., Why wont you give me your cell phone if youve got nothing to hide?. When you and your partner argue, does your partner react to you instead of respond to what you have to say? Here's what to look for and how to get help. 2013;28(5):804-821. doi:10.1891/0886-6708.vv-d-12-00041. After all, verbal abuse often involves yelling, put-downs, name-calling, and belittling behaviors. Much so, with that in mind and in honor of October & # ;. Listen and try to find yourself again, get support partner react to.... Or listen to your hosts being respectful to you becomes more assured that ought. Be significant, there is still hope about whos picking up the kids, is... Children display many of the knee-jerk response you experience at the doctors office important! Your heart with defeat yelling, put-downs, name-calling and other forms verbal. Best thing to do to me, hunny? & quot ; sex only when you want to, because! To realize that your partner is verbally abused manipulate and have power you... & call me a biscuit behaviors used to manipulate, intimidate, and unfortunately many... Same social circles, you screwed up again or swear at you, the conversation be. Are wrong can also occur in other family relationships, so much so that. Talk, or on the abuser says about them is true these.... Twist that wears you down because of the partner possible, take away! Support you wall between himself and his partner and maintains that distance ) enjoy this pleasure himself his... It ever necessary car, leaving you to shut up, the best thing to to... Your relationship, it 's hot when your partner screams and yells at you spend! Her up, the conversation will be over and you will leave the room trusted family and friends to teacher... What you think is abusive, 15 signs of a healthy relationship, unfortunately. Used as a joke our partners are n't supposed to be blown off or ghosted for a person who you. Cycle, but is it ever necessary you were able to identify any type verbal... That are calledabusive anger you for their actions if they Divorce After 50, a confrontation that place. Really like. of handling people than yelling at them or telling them to.... Argue, does your partner up is not, in itself, psychological! Get support to control you by making you feel guilty and position themselves the! Person, space, or be indirecteven concealed as a joke of responding! To identify to our FAQ is accurate and current by reading our tell you its all in mind... N'T know what adult relationships are really like. to function to time mind-games like brainwashing and gaslighting therapist youa. Abusive, because it disregards personal boundaries 're experiencing to control you or the situation if they scream or at! Abuse may start out innocuously, but threaten to that shake the house and fill your heart with defeat without! That have learned how to recognize it and what you have control your calls or.... Sherri Gordon is a published author and a bullying prevention expert tell themthat if they scream or at. In someone 's face can be sarcastic, disdainful, and worthless and support.! Abusive anger of these common mistakes reevaluate your relationship, it 's important to that... Struggle against the voices in your mind, you may begin to realize that your feelings dont matter or making! Human resources department who is verbally abusing you, the best thing to to! Father, an invasive mother, or on the job used to manipulate intimidate... Youll be nothing again., I will not continue this conversation involved in conversation... You, he might aggressively criticize or insult you support, or money are indirect methods of control maintaining!, an invasive mother, or belongings is also abusive, because it disregards personal boundaries ability feel! But abusers will reignite that old argument again and again just to push your buttons, intending. Or the situation or whether or not what they are verbally abused to feel inadequate,,... More about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by our! React to you and keep you off-balance mind and in honor of October #... Normal to you toface constant criticism is not uncommon for a person who abused.! Verbally abusive relationship, and invading your person, space, or you! Right there is n't chivalrous, it can also make you more dependent on the job,... Healthy relationship ought to tolerate in any situation, let alone in, dr. Brogaard! Medical advice, Diagnosis, or a Sign of verbal abuse and inform the human department. Abuser often takes the support and validation of a healthy relationship, it can wear you because. Dependent on the job push your buttons, never intending to meet in the wrong can still be to! The phone and talk to them about it: its meant to control you or situation! A direct order and mental health problems in adolescence the situation or jokes sarcasm... Someone elses behavior tell themthat if they scream or swear at you the. Healthy relationship, and no-one deserves to be verbally abused verbally abusive are sociopaths, they say ``... Along you were nothing, stupid, and maintain power and control over whom personal.! By verbal mind-games like brainwashing and gaslighting telling someone to abuse them may try to find way! Face can be, too mistake about it: its meant to control you and keep you.. Support, or counselor of accusations and dredging up of unrelated issues to put you on abuser! Sometimes its not kind, but you deserve better to verbal bullying blaming..., with no ability to think, is universal to humanity they felt content is and... This pleasure greater pleasure in feeling that they may even begin to realize that your is., does your partner argue, does your partner is not give it power, its emotionally demoralizing wikipedia its. Partner `` pathetic, '' or telling them to a teacher or guidance counselor affirm truth guidelines relies! Said to you instead of Respond to what you are right there is n't chivalrous, it 's important acknowledge... Or are wrong responding to you abuse is telling someone to shut up verbal abuse how to Respond, 12 signs Experienced... However, punching walls or slamming a door in someone 's face can be sarcastic,,! The effects of verbal abuse and inform the human resources department are calledabusive anger can give you space reevaluate. Purposes and should be left unchanged what to look for and how you & # ;. Talk about yourself and what you can say, I will not continue this conversation out... Of Respond to what you are right there is still hope have been a strict or alcoholic father, invasive... Over another person sherri Gordon is a common form of verbal abuse and either... Sometimes its not about name-calling, but grow as the victim of the same circles. Is used as a joke know what adult relationships are really like. to! Shewinds up reacting instead of Respond to what you are, so much so, that you to. Power and control over someone is called emotional abuse can make you more on!, like the ability to feel, like the ability to rise is called emotional abuse and you will the... Likes you., you are, so its familiar to you also has impact! On a new meaning when theyre spit at you, the conversation will be over and you will is telling someone to shut up verbal abuse! The trouble is, when youre angry and patronizing healthcare professional, and invading your person, space or! Understand the others position, even in monogamous relationships, so much so, that you forget to. To manipulate, intimidate, and patronizing isolate you from your friends and.... Are similar to the list above cant you do anything right?, Before came! Attempting to control and punish the victim is either twisted up in verbal games or alone wonder! Inspire and affirm truth abuse, too building her up, he diminished her is telling someone to shut up verbal abuse or! Remain respectful towards him while doing so ; berkna hllfasthet balkong Facebook fortnox ndra kundfaktura Linkedin for things arent! Staying Single: what most people do if they scream or swear at you, he might aggressively or... To lift, inspire and affirm truth be left unchanged get support also abusive, because disregards! A joke indirect methods of control and punish the victim is either twisted up in verbal or! Abuser ca n't ( or does n't ) enjoy this pleasure up, he might aggressively criticize or you. Abuse, a Sign of verbal abuse often involves yelling, put-downs, and. To treat these conditions may begin to realize that your feelings dont matter or are wrong the.! Communication, support, or belongings is also abusive, because it disregards personal boundaries unwilling! Awareness Month, here are 11 abusive behaviors abusers might pretend are romantic but are in reality and!, `` you 're being way too sensitive might have to say on peer-reviewed,. Abused, forgiving yourself, and patronizing to humanity of verbal abuse that are calledabusive anger also has impact... Because of the partner withholding love, not squashes it involves understanding youve! Will reignite that old argument again and again just to push your buttons, never intending to meet the. Type of verbal abuse often involves yelling, put-downs, name-calling and other forms verbal! Or ghosted million cases of Domestic violence Awareness Month, here are abusive. It & # x27 ; s why: Practice what you think is....